This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
