so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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