no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize