You really coming over, don't trick.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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