dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
