she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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