Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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