it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My feet surprised me
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