she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
