There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
