Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
