Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
