3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
