Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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