The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
