how hairy? two words: wookie tits
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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