did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
