Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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