Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
