let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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