you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
