wrigley field is MILF paradise
i was born a porn star she said
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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