I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
