every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
