we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
