Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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