Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize