So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
