i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
