you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
