I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
