He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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