Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
