I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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