I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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