peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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