You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
