Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
