Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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