I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
