Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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