He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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