I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
