Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
