Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
