i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
wow bdsm is so cute
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
