Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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