ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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