I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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