I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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