Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
