Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize