Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
