if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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