Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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