i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
