So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
