D3 body, D1 cock
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
