found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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