i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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