my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
