I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
