I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you would pick up someone in the library
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
