apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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